Compare and Contrast

It was a long day at work, and you cannot wait to get home. It seemed like around every corner there was something a little different that had to be competed and you never really got into a flow at work. While you were able to get most of it done, you are still left with a few things to finish up the following morning, but right now all you can think about is getting home to relax. The one benefit of COVID is that the commute has been easy with less traffic. While the number of cars on the road is picking up a little, it is no where near the level of what it was before spring of 2020. Almost like someone knew you wanted to get home and you needed to relax today more than normal, traffic was heavy and at a slow crawl. After a 15-minute game of will you get over 10 mph, you see exactly why the traffic was so heavy. On the other side of the highway, you see 2 cars decided to play bumper cars. The classic accident gawking caused all the congestion.From the small fender bender to the more serious collisions, you slow down to assess the situation. You become brake-pedal heavy as you come up with the story of how the accident came to be. In a matter of seconds, you have recreated the accident scene in your mind and assigned accountability to the guilty party. That driver of the navy Ford truck assumed the right of way and never ever looked as they merged in the red sports car. You cannot get enough. As traffic piles up behind you, there is a desire and need to see as much of it as possible, you just cannot turn away. As you pass the accident you continue to check the rearview mirror for that last glance. Sound familiar?

Sarah is part of the team you are on at work that has spent the last 6 months finalizing a new workflow for the office to use going forward. The hope is that it will save everyone time through streamlining communication between departments in the office. Through the work of the team the rollout was successful, and it saved everyone a lot of time and headaches. Sarah was recognized as the employee of the month and got a nice plague along with a front row parking spot for the month. As you are walking from the back of the lot trying not to slip on the ice outside of your car, you cannot help but feel a pit in your stomach. You just cannot understand why Sarah and not you.We cannot get enough when it comes to gawking at the car crash, but at the same time we cannot watch as others are recognized for their achievements. Why is that? Why do we approach one in such a different light than the other? One single word is the root of it all, and that word is comparison.

From the day I stepped through the doors my freshman year of high school, I was going to win the Booster Club award in at least one sport. I played Football, Basketball, and Baseball all through high school and while I was not the best player on the team for any one of these sports, I was well rounded and was in the starting lineup for each. The Booster Club award didn’t have to go to the MVP, but instead it assessed leadership, performance, sportsmanship, and citizenship on and off the playing surface. Following my injury before my senior year I thought I was primed to win the award as I was making my comeback to sports after a 6-month recovery.My best friend growing up lived a country mile away. We played little league every summer together. We would carpool to practice and tournaments, spending almost as much time in the car as we did on the field together any given summer. He was always the tallest guy on the team, so he was a natural to play first base. I had carved out a nice little spot at second base so between the two of us we manned the entire right side of the infield, and we played so well off each other. It was rare that a ball hit anywhere close to us would get through. Even popups in foul territory were easy outs.

I honestly could not even guess how many games we played together. From little league to junior high school sports, to every level of high school basketball and baseball we were teammates through it all. We battled and competed through tough times and celebrated together through all the victories culminating with our State Championship in baseball.

At the Baquet for basketball following the season I was hopeful the win the Booster Club award but didn’t like my chances because I played in only one game as my injury was not fully healed. What I hoped would be a Christmas return to full activity turned into holding off until March after a small set back. So not winning the award then was ok and I rationalized that one with little effort. I did a better job of managing my return to the baseball field and took things a little slower. I played every game and while I struggled to get back in the groove offensively, I played well on the defensive side. At the end of the year, I was convinced that I was winning the Booster Club award. This was my comeback story and I that was the final thing to cap it off. As the coach was describing the winner of the award to kick off the Banquet, I was getting ready to stand up and graciously accept my award. Then the coach finally said it, this years winner is….Andrew Daniels.

My best friend stole the award right out from under me. The guy that I grew up playing every sport with at every level, took the one thing that I had dreamt about since day one. Oh, and did I mention he was the same guy that one the basketball award. He even had the audacity to display both awards at his graduation party. I could not have been more upset about it. Why not me, what did he do more than me, I gave everything. Like a thief in the night, comparison was robbing me of the joy of my entire high school athletics career. The big shots that I made, the touchdown passes, scoring from 2nd base on a sacrifice bunt, all the great memories gone because of comparison.It took me a long time to work through these feelings. I wish I had the insight and tools back then that I have now because I would have been able to move on so much faster. Releasing of this comparison thief allowed me to continue our relationship and Andrew was not only the best man for out wedding but is also the Godfather to our girls. Our friendship has continued through the years and would not be anything close to what it is today without me growing past my own insecurities.

This is why we love gawking and watching all the drama as it unfolds and cannot stand watching others succeed. When we compare ourselves to those that are struggling, we use their struggles to prop ourselves up. We avoid those that are successful because it reminds us what we want to have but do not. At the end of the day comparison plays both sides of the fence and keeps us exactly where we are, right in the middle where we are neither failing nor achieving.

So how do we move past comparison and no longer allow it to limit our results? When looking at others and their accomplishments we need to celebrate their victories. Not because you are only excited to see them win but because their success means that it is possible for you as well. Look, we are all given an incredible set of tools in this world, and one of the biggest blessings is that each of our sets of tools is a little different. All equally powerful and effective but in different ways. When you see one of your peers, friends, someone in your neighborhood, or someone from the other side of the world achieve something that you would like to have you can ask yourself “why them,” or you can say “I am next.”

See comparison can be a good thing when you use it correctly. I see others within ZYIA or even my 9-5 job that I compare myself to. I see everything they have achieved not as a negative emotion of jealousy, but instead of hope that I to can get to that same level. Understanding that the first person to do something is not the only one allowed to ever get there but instead carving out a path for others to follow. I celebrate the victories of others because I know that means I can now be next. It also allows me to show others the same path so we can continue to widen the route for more of us to follow in the future.

Want to know the secret to all of this? What to understand how to move past the comparison game that is holding you back? You must write it down. We have heard this time and time again from our mentors and it is something that we pass on to our team as much as we can. Your head is what got you into this, thinking about something in your mind is not going to help you get it out, you must write it down. Bob Heilig has an amazing framework that allows you to take the negative emotions from any situation and write them out to turn that negative into a positive. Your first step to this is to start writing down, physical pen to paper, what it is you are feeling. The cognitive response from the writing allows those thoughts and emotions to more out of your subconscious and into a conscious state where you can better understand how you are being impacted by the situation.

If you would like more information on how this tool works and can use it in your life, contact me on social or email and let’s talk about it.

-Mike