Wait, what did you say!?

Have you ever heard something that, in the moment sounded off but you could not put your finger on why it sounded so bad? Not like when you hear someone say that they “could care less” instead of saying that they “couldn’t care less,” (one of my biggest pet peeves) but just a train of thought, a mindset, that was so far off that it pointed to a deeper issue.

I had this situation about a month ago and it really got me thinking. We were in the middle of a meeting and we were discussing the finer points of caulk, careful when you say that word. More specifically we were trying to understand the costs on a job associated with caulking relative to the estimated costs. After the discussion had been going for far too long, but long enough for me to know that no one could say with any certainty what this issue was, the statement in question came out. “No one is trying to lose.” At the time everyone agreed with this sentiment, after all who would ever try to lose. Of course, no one is trying to lose, that is ridiculous…isn’t it?

Later at my desk I recalled a coaching moment that looked just like this. I was the Freshmen Boys Baseball coach and while we were at bat, I manned the 3rd base coaches box. It was the middle of the season and we were trailing by 1 in the bottom of the last inning. We were in the middle of a nice rally that inning with runners at 2nd and 3rd but with 2 outs. I had made all my substitutions for the game so that brought up next was the backup right fielder. On the season the kid was 0 for 5, and not even close to getting a hit.

As he stepped to the plate, I could hear the words from the dugout. All negative in context, and to be honest I was thinking the same thing. Looking back at the situation now I should have done more to turn the mood around in the dugout. I did my best to cheer him on while he was in the box, but I know it was less than inspirational. With 1st base open I was praying for a walk, or even him getting hit by a pitch.

The words we are told and the ones that we tell ourselves, elicit some incredible feelings, emotions, and responses. When we are told a negative statement our brains immediately and unconsciously assume, we are in danger and we begin to worry. A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology studied the effects of worrying on performing a task. The results of the study found that people who reported that they worry 50% of the time or more showed a significant disruption in their ability to sort objects as the difficulty of the task increased. So, the negative thoughts make it harder to perform complex tasks. I guess that was exactly what happened to the backup right fielder. He struck out to end the game on 3 pitches. I wish I would have known back then the destructive power of negative speech.

But how do we combat this? Simple, think happy thoughts! Yes, Peter Pan (the boy, not the Peanut Butter) had it right the whole time. Think about when you talk to yourself and the feelings that are drawn to the surface. Positive speech will bring out happiness and reduce stress. These positive words will also help elicit action and help you better deal with hard situations. When approaching a person about a business opportunity, and they tell you no, do not allow negative speech to creep in. After all, that prospect is the one that is missing out on your opportunity and them saying no to you is not a reflection on who you are as a person or business owner.

So, stop trying not to lose and start trying to win. Change the mindset of “please walk him” to “make good contact.” You have everything you need to be great right inside of you, so remind yourself of that every day. Think about this, the opposite of not losing is losing. If you set out to not lose and you fail, you just lost, done, that is it you are a loser. The opposite of winning is not winning. If you set out to win and you fail, you just did not win, and when we come this close to triumph, we gain potential energy that we can use to fuel later success. I have a far better understanding of this now and would personally much rather set out to win.

How about you?